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Superhero Fail

April 24, 2010

(Sorry, still in final exam mode. I am still alive, have no fear. To give my (zero) loyal readers their Blogiraptor fix, here is a repost of an old note I put up on Facebook once. Enjoy!)

Whilst searching the Interwebs for some masked character worth dressing up as, I came across some of the worst things to ever come out of the comic book industry. Prepare to laugh:

Oh no! Diamond-root-a-saurus!

-Amazing Wombat-Man! He is an amazing wombat!

Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man! Enough said!
Apache Chief! A blatant attempt at racial diversity who grows to immense proportions when he says “Inyuk-chuk!”
Elongated Man! Ladies?
Arm Fall-Off Boy! Beware the blunt limb attack!

-Auntie Gravity!
Awesome Threesome! Yeah it is. Lead by the villain “Torpedo” I might add.
Akwardman! A member of the Inferior Five!
-Beppo The Supermonkey! I wish this had an article to explain itself!
Bob the Galactic Bum. I don’t think they even tried on this one.
Captain Nazi! Fighting for the extreme right wing! Yikes….
Chlorophyll Kid, who can accelerate the growth of plants! Woo!
Detective Chimp! Probably not a superhero.
Egg Fu! “inexplicably shaped like an egg the size of a house…”
The Gay Ghost! Surprise… ethereal butt sex?
-Gonzo the Mechanical Bastard! “I’ll kick you repeatedly in the birth canal until you hemhorrage! Wouldn’t that be fun?”
Man-Bat! He fights Bat-man, go figure! I always thought this one was incredibly uncreative.
Matter-Eater Lad! Yes, he can eat anything he wants! Including that fence in the photo.
Pig-Iron! It’s a big pig, wearing iron, and a bad pun. Real name? Peter Porkchops.
The Rainbow Raider! His real name is, wait for it: Roy G Bivolo!
Rex the Wonder Dog! I wish my dog had a bi-monthly release of his super adventures.
Shaggy Man! A, um, giant, shaggy man.
Streaky the Supercat! Because Rex wasn’t enough.
Tatooed Man, a sailor with living tattoos!
-Unbearably Tall Man! I really wish I could find out more about this guy too. I bet he’s pretty tall.
Thank you, DC Comics, for all of those gems. Stay tuned for the worst that Marvel’s “shitty idea” censors didn’t catch, such as Alpha the Ultimate Mutant, Butterball, and Batroc the Leaper!
3 Comments leave one →
  1. ryan permalink
    April 27, 2010 11:17 am

    Awe common dude, I check your blog every day, I’m a loyal reader.

  2. jen permalink
    April 27, 2010 1:49 pm

    I just came across that now, as I was reading the article on Shaggy Man. We really shoulda put Geo Force in the geostice league movie. 🙂

  3. Emma permalink
    May 4, 2010 6:46 pm

    It’s well past finals now, foo. Write! =)

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